信任... (trust)

继续上吃我喝醉的一些醉话里...
在我车上的一些人又听到我所对一个人的告白
但当时我也迷迷糊糊所以也不大记得那么多东西...
但是下一天让我吓一跳的事情是... 你们竟然去告诉那个人！！！

为什么？为什么要去告诉她？？
我到现在都不明白但是你们却说应该时要那样做的...
我真的是想当场晕倒
让我当时想到几尴尬... 都觉得要避免她...

但在我问她的时候...
他却说没有人跟她说过任何事情，我当时呆住了...
到底是谁整了我...

如果是你们说谎的原因我只想到一个
就是要凑合我们
如果是你说谎的原因，我却一个也想不到...
为什么呢？
只是有或没罢了嘛...
但我还是拿不定主意谁对谁错...

唉... 真是烦...

忏悔... (repent)

两天前发生的事，我也不知到底是好还是坏...
酒后吐真言相信很多人都听过吧...
但是有些真话是不可以说出来的
或者不应该再不适合的任何不适合的地点说的

我是人了那时候我真的是醉了，而且还给大家献丑...
我也不知为什么会一下喝这么多
解闷？释放压力？还是只是纯粹的想把自己灌醉？
说真的我自己也不知道...
但是就是觉得自己最了比清醒的时候爽...
我是不是有病呢？

当我醉的时候真的是你要说什么做什么都可以...
当时真的是麻烦各位了，我知道这样很不负责任...
但还是感谢大家当时的关照
尤其是我倒在地上时候大家还帮忙扶起我
还有我不想上车而挣扎的时候，肯定是下了很大的功夫吧
毕竟我也不是力气小的人...

但让我最在意是我在车上所说的话，因为那部分我已经不大记得了...
我只记得我为了下车继续喝酒而一直说的话
但我最伤人的话我既然是从人家的口中跟我说我才记得
我的人是以但对一些东西有兴趣就会穷追不舍的，当我不清醒时也是...
但那时候不同的是我回控制不了我说的话而不会有所忌惮...

我知道我所说的话伤害了你而且羞辱了你...
指正你一些有的没的，还可能破坏你名声的事
我也希望当时你会掴我一巴掌，我也愿意因为那些话不应该被说出的
你当时也不用回答但是你说你也回答了，我也无话可说
当我从你的口中知道我所说过的话我真的后悔万分
我想用一种方法来补偿但是我觉得还是不够
因为车上听到那种讯息的人不是都会不说出口的
我相信多数都会但不是完全会...
真是不该让他上我车
但... 现在说什么都一切太迟了

我面值丢了没关系... 但我只希望你会原谅我... 拜托...

Some random thinking...

Really did a lot of thinking this week...
Mostly because by the conversation of my external supervisor with her students (including me)...
About what we should expect if we would want to continue our future in the research field as the pay won't be high even after long period working and that if we wanted high paying job should really reconsider our career options...
Especially guys who are sensitive towards how much they make and will it hurt their ego if they are compared in the future among their peers...
The truth is for the moment now I'm still interested and contented with what I'm doing and not so particular about the pay... But maybe I'm still getting ahead my myself without even having a paying job at the first place... But at the moment I'm still ok with that...

Another thing is that... Well today I was teased because I was lacking initiative... Well at least towards somebody else other than me...
The thing is when I was helping myself to getting a chair to sit after a long experiment, they were having thought that I was going to take it for the other girls present there... But alas it wasn't...
Then she gave me a lecture as to if I wanted to have a girlfriend I should be more considerate about others other than myself... BUT... but... I have nothing to say at that moment...
But I'm not experienced with such things before so I have no slightest idea to do so... But I'm still learning in the process... So I think its still some improvement??
I really need to think about what I'm doing... DONT WANT TO BE FOREVER ALONE!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

21st

So it was my 21st birthday a few days ago... And truthfully I don't think its as good as most people say it is...
To me its really just a number and a typical day, but not to say that I don't appreciate the people that help me celebrate it but its just happy for the moment and after that it just feel empty...
My ideal way of spending it was to just go to some nearby beach and walk along the sand while listen to the waves hitting the sand and feeling the wind blowing on my face... Either with somebody special (don't have anybody apart my mother) or alone and left with my thoughts...
Or just sit there by the seaside at night with a good book and just enjoy the moment...
But truthfully, it may be one of my most worse days...

First I woke up 9 something and just drive all the way to KL just to pass up a form regarding a run on some place in the town that I never even heard of furthermore been to... But luckily I still have GPS to guide me...
Fortunately I reached there without getting lost...
Then my friend only realized that she forgot to bring the transfer slip to prove that we already paid the fee for the run and I'd be a liar to say that i wasn't mad with her but it wasn't her fault entirely...
And it was very jam in the city area, I'm having a stomach ache and with the hot weather and all... IT REALLY COULD GET TO A PERSON'S NERVE...
I was holding it very hard inside not to burst my temper as I do not want other people to see my bad side...

We went around KL trying to find a bank that can print out the statement but unfortunately no bank was open on a Saturday...
Furthermore we had some arguments as to how to go to the band by walking or driving and we showed our worse sides to each other... I think both wasn't very proud of that... But we got through it without much awkwardness...
In the end we channeled our anger to somewhere else which is the workers of the registration as they reject our plea to pay it first hand and request for a refund for the previous transaction which is beneficial to both parties...
But i think with such experience we get to know better about each other... Good or bad...

Other incident was much of a blessing rather than an unfortunate event...
My car had a problem which is it was leaking petroleum without me knowing until on that day as i was fetching my family and got the sudden urge to pump my tire's air...
I notice something weird as there was some liquid flowing under my car and upon closer inspection it was petroleum... Luckily it was only leaking when the engine was running so I had no choice but to drive my mother's car... Although it was just bought recently but I still prefer my old car...
Its an indescribable relationship I guess... XD
Thinking that if I didn't pump air on that day I would have driving that car all the way to KL and it might have exploded!!!

Well that was how my 21st birthday was spent... It was somewhat unfortunate but it was certainly memorable...
All in all I wouldn't have it any other way as I get to spend time with the people I enjoy being around with given the experience is enjoyable or not...

Also special thanks to my labmate and my housemate for helping me celebrate my birthday!!! Really had a surprising and great time!!! Wish can spend time with you all longer!!!

Rude awakening

Somehow I'm back to writing here again... Its been a while since something happen that discourage me to writing things here, but... What the heck, I'll give it another try and ignore those critics...

Recently I seem to hear a lot of people around me having some kind of relationship problem, but me being curious went to enquire more information from them...
Most of them were my female friends but they seem to have the similar issue...
Post breakup depression or wondering whether they should just patch up and give it another go...
Its really not my authority to direct them in any direction but all I can do is just offer them an advice...

If people really wan a serious relationship with you, you wont be having this problem in the 1st place
And the truth is no matter how many tears you shed or how badly you treat yourself they aren't going to feel anything if they just don't want you in their future anymore...
I know its hard letting go just that you both had a long history, but people don't see you with them in their own version of future but you are still draining your life force away and thinking that maybe... JUST MAYBE... you both can be together again...
They already chosen another path... Involved in another person's life and you are already a past that's keep on reminiscing the good 'ol days... It ain't going to do you any good!!!

My advice is to just move on... Try to forget it... Coz even if they came back for you, you will be treated like a replacement and it wont last long... its just an illusion...
Stop the stalking, stop the hope that everything in the end will turn out okay and stop the hating...
JUST FORGET IT!!!
Move on... Your whole life is ahead of you... Don't waste it on senseless things...

And stop saying you are stupid... Nobody never makes mistakes in their life but the difference is whether you pick yourself up and learn something from it or you are doomed to repeat it again...
Just take it as an experience learning and stop saying you are STUPID!!!
We fail, we cry but by the end of the day we brush ourselves off and walk away because we know that we survive it and thats all that matters...

So... STOP THE TEARS... BECAUSE A SMILE IS MORE BEAUTIFUL...

Reflection for Semester 5... (More negative...)

Wow... This semester pass by really fast... 17 weeks just gone like that...
But truthfully this is the most hectic semester ever in terms of academic and other factors... Very stressful as well both physically and mentally but more on the latter part...
Working with incompetent people and incompetent lecturers but there are some part that was wrong on my part too...

Video presentation for a measly 3% worth the time of 2 weeks to finish?? Worth it? You be the judge...
And the other reasons was the group member... Because I was the last to choose a group so I had no choice but to mix with the incompetent group...
First draft rejected... But I'm over that... Second draft I leave it to them...
But the outcome of it was not as bad as I suspected and I was just glad that the presentation was done...
GOOD RIDDENCE!!!

Another was the presentation for Critical Thinking class which was worth 30% (Now that's worth the time!!!)
Out of photo essay and video I've chosen photo essay... I'm fed up with video... Hmph!!!
And needless to say it was actually a solo work from me although it was a group project...
My 2 other group members was from the previous video group as well...
I take the trouble myself and go around my neighborhood to take pictures along with help from my mother and brother... Actually they appeared in the photos... And the title I've chosen was suicide...
The story was quite ordinary but it was an original from me...
But I will post the video and I had a very enjoyable time both making and editing it...

I was the chairperson for Life Science Club this term so I have to think of some activities next year if not the club really like a dead club... Haizzz...

Hope my committee can help and are able to help me...

Furthermore the Exhibition week will be on the 2nd week after new semester starts... Don't know how... 

This semester break is only 3 weeks... Don't know to say its too long or too short...

Planned to read my novels, tidy my book shelf, learn to format my netbook and perhaps if there are still time read up on tarot card reading...

But now after 2 days of holiday I've already finish with one of the tasks... Formatting my netbook..

Who would have thought it was that easy...

Then everyday I will go for exercise alternating between swimming and jogging...

And its a must for me everyday to do sit-ups and other exercise to reduce my "load" if you  catch my drift...

But most of the day still watch either movies or dramas from my PC and reading my novels...

Going to PD to celebrate Christmas with my friends this coming Christmas eve.. Can't wait...

Another post will be posted next time regarding something about last semester as well but more positive side... So look forward to it...

Video presentation... Unpleasant one...

This week seemed to be a breeze at first...
Must finish video for MIC by wednesday and at the same time finish studying test for IMM on thursday...
But things does not always go how it supposed to be...
There will be always some ... RANDOM FACTORS...
For instance I was planning to finish it by Tuesday but that was very last minute so one of the member was not in campus so I let it slide since it was my fault...
And I was thinking I might miss the poster presentation since I need to use the time slot to make the video...
But as luck has it... I found a 4 hour empty period of time in the Wednesday timetable... So nice!!!
And to top it up... The previous class have half an hour more to spare!!!
Surprisingly we managed to finish the video in the half hour without even using the 4 hour period...
So I can used it to finish my study for the upcoming test... What could be better??
I could go watch the whole poster presentation that's what...
I managed to finish editing my video by 2am at night and I was glad it was all done...

The next day I decided not to go to class and just skip it...
So in the end I just came from 8am in the morning just to study all the way to 4pm...
Then as luck may have it... Some bad news struck me hard... Ruined my entire day... Until I had no mood to study anymore...
Had to retake the whole damn video again as somebody can't take misdiagnosis as creativity... Scared it might confuse students... Figures...

Then I gave up on re-editing it and just pass it to my other group member even until to the point of giving up n just let her use the 1st draft...
But somehow my other group member showed more enthusiast then I give them credit for... I just found a video for them and ask them to edit it and they did just that... And at the last minute as well...
And I just found out that I suck at doing things last minute... Don't know is it a good thing...

Then on the day of the video presentation as luck would have it... I WAS THE FIRST GROUP PRESENTING!!! FFFFFFUUUUUUU!!!!
I was practically trembling before we presented... Luckily when I saw their result with editing the video wad not that bad and all the question they throw at us we managed to answer it... Well mostly... XP
But the best thing was... We was not the worse as I saw much worse products... That really made my day...
In the end luckily I was done with it...

The truth is... I don't know whether I want to work with the same people as a group again...
Don't know is it their fault or I just can't work well with them...
Really need to think this through...
Maybe later... Coz final is just around the corner... Around 2more weeks to go... Haizzz...