信任... (trust)

继续上吃我喝醉的一些醉话里...
在我车上的一些人又听到我所对一个人的告白
但当时我也迷迷糊糊所以也不大记得那么多东西...
但是下一天让我吓一跳的事情是... 你们竟然去告诉那个人！！！

为什么？为什么要去告诉她？？
我到现在都不明白但是你们却说应该时要那样做的...
我真的是想当场晕倒
让我当时想到几尴尬... 都觉得要避免她...

但在我问她的时候...
他却说没有人跟她说过任何事情，我当时呆住了...
到底是谁整了我...

如果是你们说谎的原因我只想到一个
就是要凑合我们
如果是你说谎的原因，我却一个也想不到...
为什么呢？
只是有或没罢了嘛...
但我还是拿不定主意谁对谁错...

唉... 真是烦...

忏悔... (repent)

两天前发生的事，我也不知到底是好还是坏...
酒后吐真言相信很多人都听过吧...
但是有些真话是不可以说出来的
或者不应该再不适合的任何不适合的地点说的

我是人了那时候我真的是醉了，而且还给大家献丑...
我也不知为什么会一下喝这么多
解闷？释放压力？还是只是纯粹的想把自己灌醉？
说真的我自己也不知道...
但是就是觉得自己最了比清醒的时候爽...
我是不是有病呢？

当我醉的时候真的是你要说什么做什么都可以...
当时真的是麻烦各位了，我知道这样很不负责任...
但还是感谢大家当时的关照
尤其是我倒在地上时候大家还帮忙扶起我
还有我不想上车而挣扎的时候，肯定是下了很大的功夫吧
毕竟我也不是力气小的人...

但让我最在意是我在车上所说的话，因为那部分我已经不大记得了...
我只记得我为了下车继续喝酒而一直说的话
但我最伤人的话我既然是从人家的口中跟我说我才记得
我的人是以但对一些东西有兴趣就会穷追不舍的，当我不清醒时也是...
但那时候不同的是我回控制不了我说的话而不会有所忌惮...

我知道我所说的话伤害了你而且羞辱了你...
指正你一些有的没的，还可能破坏你名声的事
我也希望当时你会掴我一巴掌，我也愿意因为那些话不应该被说出的
你当时也不用回答但是你说你也回答了，我也无话可说
当我从你的口中知道我所说过的话我真的后悔万分
我想用一种方法来补偿但是我觉得还是不够
因为车上听到那种讯息的人不是都会不说出口的
我相信多数都会但不是完全会...
真是不该让他上我车
但... 现在说什么都一切太迟了

我面值丢了没关系... 但我只希望你会原谅我... 拜托...

Some random thinking...

Really did a lot of thinking this week...
Mostly because by the conversation of my external supervisor with her students (including me)...
About what we should expect if we would want to continue our future in the research field as the pay won't be high even after long period working and that if we wanted high paying job should really reconsider our career options...
Especially guys who are sensitive towards how much they make and will it hurt their ego if they are compared in the future among their peers...
The truth is for the moment now I'm still interested and contented with what I'm doing and not so particular about the pay... But maybe I'm still getting ahead my myself without even having a paying job at the first place... But at the moment I'm still ok with that...

Another thing is that... Well today I was teased because I was lacking initiative... Well at least towards somebody else other than me...
The thing is when I was helping myself to getting a chair to sit after a long experiment, they were having thought that I was going to take it for the other girls present there... But alas it wasn't...
Then she gave me a lecture as to if I wanted to have a girlfriend I should be more considerate about others other than myself... BUT... but... I have nothing to say at that moment...
But I'm not experienced with such things before so I have no slightest idea to do so... But I'm still learning in the process... So I think its still some improvement??
I really need to think about what I'm doing... DONT WANT TO BE FOREVER ALONE!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

21st

So it was my 21st birthday a few days ago... And truthfully I don't think its as good as most people say it is...
To me its really just a number and a typical day, but not to say that I don't appreciate the people that help me celebrate it but its just happy for the moment and after that it just feel empty...
My ideal way of spending it was to just go to some nearby beach and walk along the sand while listen to the waves hitting the sand and feeling the wind blowing on my face... Either with somebody special (don't have anybody apart my mother) or alone and left with my thoughts...
Or just sit there by the seaside at night with a good book and just enjoy the moment...
But truthfully, it may be one of my most worse days...

First I woke up 9 something and just drive all the way to KL just to pass up a form regarding a run on some place in the town that I never even heard of furthermore been to... But luckily I still have GPS to guide me...
Fortunately I reached there without getting lost...
Then my friend only realized that she forgot to bring the transfer slip to prove that we already paid the fee for the run and I'd be a liar to say that i wasn't mad with her but it wasn't her fault entirely...
And it was very jam in the city area, I'm having a stomach ache and with the hot weather and all... IT REALLY COULD GET TO A PERSON'S NERVE...
I was holding it very hard inside not to burst my temper as I do not want other people to see my bad side...

We went around KL trying to find a bank that can print out the statement but unfortunately no bank was open on a Saturday...
Furthermore we had some arguments as to how to go to the band by walking or driving and we showed our worse sides to each other... I think both wasn't very proud of that... But we got through it without much awkwardness...
In the end we channeled our anger to somewhere else which is the workers of the registration as they reject our plea to pay it first hand and request for a refund for the previous transaction which is beneficial to both parties...
But i think with such experience we get to know better about each other... Good or bad...

Other incident was much of a blessing rather than an unfortunate event...
My car had a problem which is it was leaking petroleum without me knowing until on that day as i was fetching my family and got the sudden urge to pump my tire's air...
I notice something weird as there was some liquid flowing under my car and upon closer inspection it was petroleum... Luckily it was only leaking when the engine was running so I had no choice but to drive my mother's car... Although it was just bought recently but I still prefer my old car...
Its an indescribable relationship I guess... XD
Thinking that if I didn't pump air on that day I would have driving that car all the way to KL and it might have exploded!!!

Well that was how my 21st birthday was spent... It was somewhat unfortunate but it was certainly memorable...
All in all I wouldn't have it any other way as I get to spend time with the people I enjoy being around with given the experience is enjoyable or not...

Also special thanks to my labmate and my housemate for helping me celebrate my birthday!!! Really had a surprising and great time!!! Wish can spend time with you all longer!!!

Rude awakening

Somehow I'm back to writing here again... Its been a while since something happen that discourage me to writing things here, but... What the heck, I'll give it another try and ignore those critics...

Recently I seem to hear a lot of people around me having some kind of relationship problem, but me being curious went to enquire more information from them...
Most of them were my female friends but they seem to have the similar issue...
Post breakup depression or wondering whether they should just patch up and give it another go...
Its really not my authority to direct them in any direction but all I can do is just offer them an advice...

If people really wan a serious relationship with you, you wont be having this problem in the 1st place
And the truth is no matter how many tears you shed or how badly you treat yourself they aren't going to feel anything if they just don't want you in their future anymore...
I know its hard letting go just that you both had a long history, but people don't see you with them in their own version of future but you are still draining your life force away and thinking that maybe... JUST MAYBE... you both can be together again...
They already chosen another path... Involved in another person's life and you are already a past that's keep on reminiscing the good 'ol days... It ain't going to do you any good!!!

My advice is to just move on... Try to forget it... Coz even if they came back for you, you will be treated like a replacement and it wont last long... its just an illusion...
Stop the stalking, stop the hope that everything in the end will turn out okay and stop the hating...
JUST FORGET IT!!!
Move on... Your whole life is ahead of you... Don't waste it on senseless things...

And stop saying you are stupid... Nobody never makes mistakes in their life but the difference is whether you pick yourself up and learn something from it or you are doomed to repeat it again...
Just take it as an experience learning and stop saying you are STUPID!!!
We fail, we cry but by the end of the day we brush ourselves off and walk away because we know that we survive it and thats all that matters...

So... STOP THE TEARS... BECAUSE A SMILE IS MORE BEAUTIFUL...

Reflection for Semester 5... (More negative...)

Wow... This semester pass by really fast... 17 weeks just gone like that...
But truthfully this is the most hectic semester ever in terms of academic and other factors... Very stressful as well both physically and mentally but more on the latter part...
Working with incompetent people and incompetent lecturers but there are some part that was wrong on my part too...

Video presentation for a measly 3% worth the time of 2 weeks to finish?? Worth it? You be the judge...
And the other reasons was the group member... Because I was the last to choose a group so I had no choice but to mix with the incompetent group...
First draft rejected... But I'm over that... Second draft I leave it to them...
But the outcome of it was not as bad as I suspected and I was just glad that the presentation was done...
GOOD RIDDENCE!!!

Another was the presentation for Critical Thinking class which was worth 30% (Now that's worth the time!!!)
Out of photo essay and video I've chosen photo essay... I'm fed up with video... Hmph!!!
And needless to say it was actually a solo work from me although it was a group project...
My 2 other group members was from the previous video group as well...
I take the trouble myself and go around my neighborhood to take pictures along with help from my mother and brother... Actually they appeared in the photos... And the title I've chosen was suicide...
The story was quite ordinary but it was an original from me...
But I will post the video and I had a very enjoyable time both making and editing it...

I was the chairperson for Life Science Club this term so I have to think of some activities next year if not the club really like a dead club... Haizzz...

Hope my committee can help and are able to help me...

Furthermore the Exhibition week will be on the 2nd week after new semester starts... Don't know how... 

This semester break is only 3 weeks... Don't know to say its too long or too short...

Planned to read my novels, tidy my book shelf, learn to format my netbook and perhaps if there are still time read up on tarot card reading...

But now after 2 days of holiday I've already finish with one of the tasks... Formatting my netbook..

Who would have thought it was that easy...

Then everyday I will go for exercise alternating between swimming and jogging...

And its a must for me everyday to do sit-ups and other exercise to reduce my "load" if you  catch my drift...

But most of the day still watch either movies or dramas from my PC and reading my novels...

Going to PD to celebrate Christmas with my friends this coming Christmas eve.. Can't wait...

Another post will be posted next time regarding something about last semester as well but more positive side... So look forward to it...

Video presentation... Unpleasant one...

This week seemed to be a breeze at first...
Must finish video for MIC by wednesday and at the same time finish studying test for IMM on thursday...
But things does not always go how it supposed to be...
There will be always some ... RANDOM FACTORS...
For instance I was planning to finish it by Tuesday but that was very last minute so one of the member was not in campus so I let it slide since it was my fault...
And I was thinking I might miss the poster presentation since I need to use the time slot to make the video...
But as luck has it... I found a 4 hour empty period of time in the Wednesday timetable... So nice!!!
And to top it up... The previous class have half an hour more to spare!!!
Surprisingly we managed to finish the video in the half hour without even using the 4 hour period...
So I can used it to finish my study for the upcoming test... What could be better??
I could go watch the whole poster presentation that's what...
I managed to finish editing my video by 2am at night and I was glad it was all done...

The next day I decided not to go to class and just skip it...
So in the end I just came from 8am in the morning just to study all the way to 4pm...
Then as luck may have it... Some bad news struck me hard... Ruined my entire day... Until I had no mood to study anymore...
Had to retake the whole damn video again as somebody can't take misdiagnosis as creativity... Scared it might confuse students... Figures...

Then I gave up on re-editing it and just pass it to my other group member even until to the point of giving up n just let her use the 1st draft...
But somehow my other group member showed more enthusiast then I give them credit for... I just found a video for them and ask them to edit it and they did just that... And at the last minute as well...
And I just found out that I suck at doing things last minute... Don't know is it a good thing...

Then on the day of the video presentation as luck would have it... I WAS THE FIRST GROUP PRESENTING!!! FFFFFFUUUUUUU!!!!
I was practically trembling before we presented... Luckily when I saw their result with editing the video wad not that bad and all the question they throw at us we managed to answer it... Well mostly... XP
But the best thing was... We was not the worse as I saw much worse products... That really made my day...
In the end luckily I was done with it...

The truth is... I don't know whether I want to work with the same people as a group again...
Don't know is it their fault or I just can't work well with them...
Really need to think this through...
Maybe later... Coz final is just around the corner... Around 2more weeks to go... Haizzz...

Just something on my mind at the moment...

Fate is a cruel mistress... Or should I say luck??
Never did know the difference between the two and never did really bother...
Never did really believed in those things...
Just a matter of probabilities... Just the matter of whether it favors you or not...
If yes you probably have a better life than other and if not... Hey, just your luck... XD

Of all the 7 billion people in the world (yes the population of homo sapiens in the world had just reach a whooping 7 billion so better buckle up cause its going to be a tight squeeze...) the opposite sex that I had interest with is the most unlikely one...
The one that had everything opposite with me...
Smarter than me, better personality than me, thinner than me, better at sports than me and the list goes on...
I always wondered why I had a "thing" for people older than me...
Is it because I like it that way or does age doesn't matter to me?
Some may like those girls that are young and cute and have a very funny personality...
Or busty type, small type, thin type, model type or whatever type it is...
All I can say is that no matter what their appearances looks like, as long as they are understanding then I will have interest towards them...

Of all the girls that I had admired, liked or until the extend to confessed to them I can tell you there are people telling me that why the hell do you like those kind of girls?? What do you look in them?
All I can say is beauty is not skin deep... Yes is undeniable that it gives the first impression but do you really want a girl who has a supermodel physique but acts like a bitch??
I know I don't...

I don't know how long I can keep this up and I know it is not meant to be...
But I want to be close to you as long as I can and that's all I asked for...

In the Driver's Seat

Had a very meaningful chat today with somebody I might even call a friend...
I was an emotionally stricken person and I think that's obvious enough but I chose to conceal it instead of letting it pour out like most of the people. In my own opinion (AGAIN I STRESS!!! MY OWN OPINION!!!) I think is a little childish because raw emotions are just being blurted out which normally without the consent or concern for other people's well being...
But at times that is just what we needed to make our self felt at ease...
After all we are only humans... Creature made of flesh and blood where we put ourself on the priority mostly because it is hardwired in our mind since the dawn of our ancestors... But this is NOT THE POINT here...

To observe a person's true character and natural attitude it is advisable to observe from afar instead of participating in it and take judgement there as most of the time you will be swept into it and become one yourself...
Not to say it's a bad thing depending which kind of people you surround yourself with and your outlook towards them (MY OWN OPINION!!!) But your judgement will be more clear if you are not involved directly...
People are also animals (just a figure of speech) who crave for compassion and sometimes even to the point of going to your own principle or even harming themselves... They just can give anything instead of being alone...
And those who have the courage of being something different are being labelled as outcast or being alienated by them and to me those are the person who really have the courage to change and make a difference in themselves...
Those who stay with other for the sake of companionship and reluctant to change because they are in fear... Fear of being alone... But that's normal as who in the world don't have fear? Nothing's wrong with that and if there are people out there who do not have fear those are the people who's have something wrong...

We all have fears while some may have more than others but if you have the initiative to change and make a difference in your life and stand up for yourself then you are conquering a fear one way or another...
And I salute you for that...
So what if  you lost your companionship? Their view is different and so that's that and you can't change their perception coz that's who they are...
However you can continue to befriend them if you accept you for who you are or just withdraw yourself...
There are people who can accept you for whoever you are in this world and you can take them as friends...
You don't have to change yourself just for the sake of being liked by others and who are them to ask you to change anyway? (unless you are willing to do so then please ignore the last sentence...)

YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN LIFE!!!
With friends like that who needs enemies??
The point is make a change for yourself and not for the sake of others (again unless you are unwilling to and that's entirely up to you...)

PS: all the above are entirely my own opinion and not directed to anybody... I apologize in advance if you felt offended... It is not to be taken in if they are unwilling... Just speaking out my mind...

Update on 4th Semester... (part 1)

My current semester is a short semester... So it will be more packed although only 2 subjects...
Biochemistry 2 (Sigh...) and Genetics 2 (okay lo...)
Time table's normal except the fact that there is only 2 hours class on Tuesday... 9-11 only...
Cant they move it to other day and make it no class that day? Very troublesome for me just to go there for 2 freakin hours...
At least this time the lab journals were better than my last short semester as one group only produces one journal... my workload decreased 2-4 folds...
Lab partner for both was May Xian aka Kiam aka Lynn...

Really nothing much this semester thus far... Except that...
Could see that the ugly side of some people... Such as people spilling their beans about other people in front of me... Really cant resist these guys... In order to get on the good side of people they can take advantage by using the secrets their friends entrusted them with... Disgusted by it...
If you really can't keep a secret better don't tell the guy who told you that you can...
You think you may have gained the interest of the person you told it to... But if the person is really smart they will take cautious of you instead of being more friend with you...

Next is something from last semester... Really had no regrets helping a lecturer with her workshop...
First it was really interesting although that was not my 1st time doing Restriction Enzyme Digestion...
Second manage to make a few friends on the way... Students from a girl school in Melaka... Think it was called SMK Infant Jesus or something... Sorry if I get it wrong...
Knew a Tweeter fanatic and a Belieber (although I'm not a big fan of him...)
Quite a nice person to chat with and very fun person...
Really nice still can communicate with her but I seldom use Tweeter now... ; (
But I'm sure we will chat soon... XD

The tension seems to be escalating between me and somebody until to the brink of... Well I don't know what's the appropriate word to put it...
At first it was just the silent treatment where I don't mind her business and she don't mind mine...
But once in a while she still approach me to ask something... I still have the decency to answer her...
After a while she started deeming me as untrustworthy and those of cheating other people...
Then things starts to get nasty... Where we started to argue (would be an understatement...) in front of the whole BBTEI... I don't think the lecturer was there... Was he??
Then we started argue once every time we make any kind of communication...
My friend said you must not respond to anything she said if you are a gentleman...
HELL NO... That ain't a gentleman... That's a quitter... Just because I'm a guy and she's a she I have to let her win?? That's sexism...

Well that's all the update for the 1st part of this semester... Hope the next half will be better...

Haizzz...

Hmmm... Seems like there is a lot of people out there... Who like to stuck their noses on other people's business... Really hate keh poh people...
Well a very good example will be my previous post...
I don't mind if you comment on it if you do know me or let me know your identity...
Or at least don't just make an account out at the instant u saw my post and just want to comment on it...
And worse yet there are some people that have nothing better to do then to waste their time and imitate other people's name and talk trash about it...

Well seems that one good had come out from it and I wanted to thank them...
They thought me that I don't need to be affected by everybody and I AM MY OWN SELF...
My world doesn't revolve around them so f**k off...
And oh yeah... Whatever you say can't affect me... You make me think more positive...
Stick and stone may break my bone... But your criticism?? Hell... I can't think of something less affecting then them...
My world does not revolve around you... Maybe some people but definitely not YOU!!!
How I think is my choice... If your advice is any good I'll accept it but don't expect me to accept everything... I'll been down that road...
Whatever criticism I will accept it as long as it doesn't sound so harsh and vulgar and rude...

Please do not think Im mentioning you if you are not involved in this... Don't be so sensitive... This may not involve you...

Reality...

Hmmm...
Really learnt something this week...
There is nothing in this world that you do you can get back 100%
That is just naive thinking for little children...
I was too blinded or emotionally shook to realize that...

When people do approach you...
Most of the time they only want to get something from you...
Or want to take advantage of you...
There is no such people that find you with no intention of themselves gaining something...
I learnt that the hard way...
The silent maiden who spoke only with the intention something of you...

There is no real friends...
And the phrase friends forever is for fools...
Its really just a matter of time before they truly betray you...
By that time it will be too late and you will be shook to your core...
Then the true nature will be seen thru and it will be the ugliest thing u ever see...
There's nothing more sinister than a person who cares nothing but its own benefit...

Farewell...

I REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!
Really hate those people who want to stick their nose up other people's business
And the worse part is they don't even know what's going on!!!
They pretend they do and just accuse anybody they hate that the person is wrong...
They don't even have the decency to go and check and their stubbornness prevents them from the truth...

At first you think your so called "advice" is any use to me?
Isolating me from my other friends...
Just that you don't like them does not mean that I have to follow in your footsteps and hate them too!!!
You have to learn that not everybody in this world can follow to every word you say...
I think the only person is your soulmate... if he is unfortunate enough...

It's just a different way where people communicate... And they think its a quarrel...
They just think that most of the time they are correct but... REALITY CHECK!!! They are not...
And they think they can use something as pity as friendship to intimidate me...
Well with friends like these... Who needs enemies?
All I need to say is its hardly been a pleasure knowing you...
And the misery that you had caused me you don't even realize...

I'm better off alone... Your words have brought me nothing but emotional stress...
Goodbye to you...

A message to my current self...

Things had really got out of hand for me...
I should have paid more attention to the signals...
But who am I to blame...
Maybe I'm a little stubborn...
Ignore it and just bear with the consequences...
How hard could it be? Well as I had found out now... REAL HARD!!!
If I could just heed the advice of others and stop and think for a while...
Just don't go rushing at it...
Maybe you can see a clearer picture...
Instead of just rushing at it and wanting to hear or think what you want to think...
That is very selfish of me and at the end of the day the only casualty is me...
Just reconsider for a while...
Not to say give up completely...
You are an educated person... Don't go around like a savage...
Didn't you get that lesson already before?
One little mistake of all or nothing has made matters from bad to worse before...
The experiment had been wrong... Stop dwelling around or crying over spill milk...
Think of way to improve it, make a discussion... or better yet... Design another one...
With now you really have nothing to loose...
REALLY STOP AND THINK FOR ONE F**KING WHILE DAMNIT!!!


But deep inside I know its simply too easy to say and too hard to do...
I'm in too deep and reluctant to let go...
Its always going to end with a no...
Its a destined end for the show...

Saturday night outing...

Saturday was planning to go out for a movie for a long time...
SUCKER PUNCH!!! Hell Yeah!!!
Been waiting for a long time to watch this movie since the trailer came out...
Really a great movie!!! Although the plot was not good enough but the crazy graphic made up for it...
The ending was especially nice... Combination of the song with th ending almost made me cry...
The movie cost me RM12... I had one complementary coupon but because it was a new movie so it cannnot be used... Damn expensive but in the end the movie was worth it... ^^

Was in a hurry in the beginning as the movie started 6.30 but i left my house at around 5.30...
Luckily there was a parking near the loading platform at Jusco...
But because I forgot to turn my car before parking... Getiing the car out would be a pain in the ass...
It took me almost 15 minutes just to reverse my car out of the spot...

One of the reason I would spend my Saturday to watch movie is due to SUCKER PUNCH... I had been anticipating this Zack Snyder's piece of art for a long time...
Another was to attend the yum cha by winson and jia hong... But in the end it was cancelled due to Winson's tiredness... TMD

In the end I went to eat Chow Kuey Teow... Alone..
But dont know why everytime I saw the young girl there I will not feel emo... I wonder...
Was quite emo at that time when thinking about something... And someone...
The way I think that she is evading me... Like Im some kind of monster or abomination always make me sad...
Another thing is about the presentation stuff... Made me quite emotional... Haizzz...
But after my meal I think that my troubles had declined abit... Haha...

Well here's a poster of SUCKER PUNCH... ENJOY!!!

If you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for everything - Wise Man (Sucker Punch... Where else??)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Next time should really think 1st... But... Is it really my fault?

Having my poster presentation today... 1st time we are doing it...
Well the term poster is just a fancy name for a single piece of slideshow... LOL
This is the 1st time that I actually didn't involve in making the poster...
I think I didn't involve in doing anything at all except went and ask the lecturer how it should be done...
Seriously need to thanks my group members Jing Yi, Chloe and Becky!!!
Really sorry I didn't do anything!!! Hope I can repay you next time if we are in the same group again!!! XD

Frankly speaking I never had a real look at the poster being that there were a test earlier in the morning... And I spent all my time in studying GEN... LOL...
In the end I just did 80% of my part... wait... 70% of my part were reading... And the rest... Well I cracked a few jokes but whether did it worked? I had to leave that to the audiences... But  they don't seem to amused to me...

Really annoyed when I was used as an example for somebody else's part...
It was like critisizing me but with positive results... I think in a way I'm popular in class now... XD
Stupid XXY... Keep using me as example and critisizing me afterwards...

But the thing that caught most of my attention was during Tze Xin, Debra and Bei Ru's presentation...
I think their group I paid most of the attention...
But at the end I ask question to Tze Xin... And her reaction was...
Lets just say we were looking into each other's eyes... Not the romantic type but more of the... Dazing type...
Then she said she don't know how to answer but actually she already answer in her presentation.
In the end she accused me of ruining her presentation by asking that question...
She started getting furious at me and then just walked away...
But after that she just walked away saying she forgive me... WTH?? Mood swings?
I accompanied her back halfway and she said she wasn't mad anymore but who in the world know whether is that the truth...

Later I chat with my other friend he said that it was her fault don't know how to answer...
And some more wanted to blame on other people...
But that time I also don't know what am I suppose to think about...
Because my question was also quite complex...
Is it my fault or hers? In the end undecided...

In the end I just want to state that I'm really sorry and wished that you really forgive me...

My no. 23...

Hmmm... I've been friend with you for a few years ady...
And the impression you gave me is... Well... Unpleasant...
Thats the most least offensive words I can come up with... I've been keeping everything inside me...
Well its no secret how I felt towards you... At least a few know it and a handful can see it...
You humiliated me... Mocked me... Laughed at me and make lots of jokes using me...
Have you ever considered how I felt? Well as a matter of fact YOU DO!!!
"He won't mind de la... He is used to it ady..."
Thats almost always your excuse... I didn't even have any say in it either...
Why? Cause if I offend you I offend the whole gang...
You had the whole gang under your arms... For the greater good I resist...

When a few months ago I heard that you were going away I bet I was the happiest to heard about it...
Just imagining all the bad memories and all the things u said about me were going to be a thing of the past couldn't had made me any happier...
I admit that there was a time that you going away were not good enough for me that I even curse you...
Thinking about it now still make me happy a little...

But up to a few weeks ago your attitude towards me suddenly changed 180 degrees!!!
Saying that whatever you said to me before were just playing... They were just harmless teasing...
And I were still treated as your friend as I was always invited to your gatherings and activities...
To me your harmless teasing were like arrows having a collision course to my heart... And I think there is barely any room for more arrows...
So I just take it as your senseless pleading so that at least when you leave you still have a good reputation from me... But I can assure your efforts are all futile...
To me I still didn't feel anything as I thought it must be temporary, another trick or hormonal imbalance...
Then a really close friend of mine told me that you were advised by a few people to go easy on me but Im still not convinced so Im  not buying it...
Up until a few weeks ago the hurting words decreased and you said your pleadings an dew times more so I was a bit convinced...
But don't get me wrong I am still happy that you are leaving...


The moment the feeling of hatred towards you greatly diminished is when I receive the package you sent...
It was nothing much but after I asked who received it a I was a bit shocked...
Mostly because the person I had least expected to received it you sent it and the person I had most expected didn't receive it...
So my outlooked for you is a bit brighter now...
and your advice for me I shall cherish it...

I doubt anybody will figure out who I am talking about but in the end I wish you all the best...
But is that from my heart? That is for me to know and for everybody else to find out...

CNY 2011 Part 1 (just to sum things up...)

Had a really awesome CNY!!! Maybe the best thus far!!!
With the face that this is the only year that I won a lot of greens... Haha
First day was a blast!!! Crazy with my Primary school gang... Yeah...
1st stop was Jovial's house... Like last time but this time I don't need to wait in the car for like an hour...
Then start gambling for a while then headed to Joise's house which was on the far side of Kepayang...
Really far then we waited at Templer there sumore for them to fetch her 1st... But 1 year once so Im not complaining... And Im not alone in the car so wont be bored... Haha... Pity Kylie...
Then continue gamble at Joise's house... Really don't know she gambled?? (surprised...)
After that went to Jackee's house which was at another side of S2... (didn know alot of my primary friends live around that area... @@)
We went there just to chat for a while then E Hin invited her girlfriend out to join us... Think begging was the word... Haha... jkjk
Then the whole gang went to fetch her again and try guessing where she lives?? Yes!!! S2!!!
After that we went to Kok Kian's house which was in Dusun Setia there...
Because it was the 1st day of Chinese New Year?? so I had to go n visit the paternal side of my family... Sien...
I juz went to Kok Kian's house for 15 minutes tops then quickly rush to my grandma's house which was luckily nearby and wait for my mom and bro to arrive... (damn hectic!!!)
After I "stayed" for about 1 hour or a little more I went to dinner at Lucky... At Permai there
We celebrated Joise's birthday and I almost got drunk by gulping down a whole glass of whiskey... Almost...
Amazingly I still can drive to Hao Yan's house at Permai... I am that good... (self praising again...)
After that we went to my place again to gamble sumore which we were constantly interrupted by the annoying fireworks next door... Jackee's car alarm always went off...
Then we went to E Hin's girlfriend's house all the way in S2 to gamble sumore... Along with my brother which tagged along... In the end the 1st day I won 40 bucks... Yeah!!! Thats the most I won like forever!!!
Really the best CNY for me thus far!!! ^^



The next day was kinda dull for me...
Coz all of my friends was quite busy in the day so I have to occupy myself by watching the Royal Rumble which had a very shocking finish!!!
At around noon I went to visit my maternal grandmother...
Which most of the time there I was just occupying myself with my iPod and watching 14 Blades on TV... Bored...
We left at about 7 sumthn as I need to go Hui Nee's house...
But before that I had to fetch Yi Cheng which has completely forgotten about it... Zzz
I reached there about 8.30 when I was thought I was late but Im actually the 1st??
In the end Winson, Yun Ying, Wen Yee, Jia Hong, Nelson, Kiu Leong, Zhang Roong & Xin Yi arrived...
We gambled until 10 sumthn then went to A&W to eat...
I think I drunk 4 or 5 cans of Tiger at Hui Nee's house before I left so I insisted I didn drive...
Luckily I didn!!! There was a roadblock on the streets!!! Damn lucky!!!
After that wen went to Xin Yi's house and gamble until 1 sumthn in the morning!!!
Then the next day the adventure continues... (more on part 2...)

What I have done in 2010...

Actually theres not much...

Come to think bout there isn't anything wort writing... Haha...

LOL... Sure got something de... I didn't waste my whole year juz staring into blank space...

1st i think Im happy that I made a bunch of new friends especially during the camp back during April (or was it May? Sorry can't remember ady...)

1st time become a group leader sumore... If that was me last time I wouldn't hesitate and then turn it down...

Then had a lot of fun wif them...

Recently joined another camp with them again... And then made more friends...

Really a good gang to hang out wif... Sports or go for a movie also can...

Another really big thing is that I finally learnt how to ride a bicycle!!!

YEAH!!! Take that a**holes who keep saying its impossible for me to learn!!!

I had to admit it was quite late for me to learn it... (WTF? Quite? Ur bro learn it when he was 7!!!)

Hey... you know what they say... Better late then never!!!

I have to give credits to all the people to encourage me to do so...

Actually to say all people there is only 1 if not 2... Loen... Haha... U probably never going to read this...

Another thing is I finally made a few friends that I can truly share my secrets with without afraid it being leaked...

Although one of them is going away and I probably never going to see her in person again... SOB...

But thanks to her she made my 2010 not as dull as I expected it would be...

Im going to be okay amidst all the haters... Im contented ady...

Few days back I finally found somebody in my secondary group who I can truly talk to without being mocked...

It really is hard to store all the emotions in for 2 years without leaking it out...

But I think the dam is on the brink of bursting...

The advice she gave me is hard to digest but I'll try to take it in... And hope all the best to you too!!!

FINALLY!!! After more than a year I finally had it!!!

The wait is worth it when I had it in my palm... The sense of touching it was better than I thought...

I played with it everyday from the day I had it until now..

It really is everything I dreamed of and more...

Its my IPOD TOUCH!!!

Yeah!!! Had it in November!!!

Really worth 830!!!

And I still think its better than having an iPhone is because it has all the function an iPhone has minus the SMS and the call... For that it is 1200 cheaper!!!

I rather take my iPod and my phone along and it doesn't cost that much!!!

I LOVE iT!!! MUACKS!!!

This year is also the 1st time I had a job before...

Well it was nothing fancy... Just a part-time job as a waiter... Not to say a very good experience though...

The food was well... Enough ta make me not go back to that restaurant... EVER!!!

And that gave me a bad image of Korean cuisine...

And the next was as a helper in INTI during enrolment...

That was just for the fun of it!!! Was too bored at home... Haha... SERIOUSLY...

Finally I want to say I know I havn't been the best of what I can be in 2010... Academically or socially... I think more on socially as... well most of you knows...

I'll do my best to change my attitude and my outlook of people...

Really want to become the best I can be in the next year!!!

And Im really addicted to YouTube now... Im not lying... Really hope can minus the time on it and the time Im on Faebook!!!

SOMEBODY HELP ME IM REALLY ADDICTED TO IT!!! (HAHA... Juz kidding!!! Or am I?)

 

Friends??

Friends... Hmmm... How do you define them?
A group of people who group together by similar interest?
But if that is the case... If they cant mix together well does that group called friends too?
Then is it a group with different interest but can mix together well can consider as friends better?
Friends are group that have bonds among each other and not harm among themselves right?
Unless if one of them committed anything bad towards them... Then it is another case entirely...

OK enough introduction ady... Just something I wanted to clarify before I start...
Its just a blog what am I saying that for? Haha... I really gone crazy ady...
Just went for a trip and another camp... Before I went for both I was looking forward to the trip more thn the camp... Becoz I was going with my secondary friends to the trip instead of my other friends which I havn't met for half a year... 
Common sense tell me so as I know them better... But as always the reality is cruel...
I literally had the time of my life during the 3 days 2 night in fotang and during the camp...
Had a lot of great time and met a lot of new friends... Really cant think of anytime a had more fun than that...
Oh yeah... That was last time in Pangkor wif my INTI friends... (No offence...)

And the trip on the next week is... well... in a word... Not as good as I expected...
Most of the time was in the room and the activity they did wasn't as good as last time bcoz of the timing...
One of the activity i admit it was my bad as I duno how to ride a bike... I learning now...
And bcoz of that I have a driver!!! YAY!!!
But bcoz there was some problem of me with them so it wasn so fun compared to my last group...
Bcoz during my time with my last group I was not considered a punching bag or a pin cushion...
On the other hand I was treated like... I also dont know want to use what to describe...
Especially a few that I think they had a grudge or something against me...

A few days before the trip was very hectic...
Wednesday went to badminton with Reico, Sheng Kai and Nicholas Wong...
Really cant tahan Reico too pro ady... We are not aiming for the shuttlecock but avoiding it!!! >.<
Thursday went to watch movie with a bunch of kids... (just joking la...) one of them was my bro's classmate...
Haha... know a lot of things from her... Really had fun laughing in front of McDonalds... Like a few lunatics...


Finally I would like to state that no offence to anybody if they think they are humiliated in anyway by the words above...